This blog post was written by Jessica Tariq, after being featured on IT’S July TALKS in the topic of Mental Wellbeing for Moms. This post is 2 out of 2 articles written by Jessica following the TALKS. IT’S July TALKS is a free series of informal online fireside chats with thought leaders and coaches, offering refreshing perspectives on topics that matter to families worldwide. Get notified about upcoming chats, by signing up to IT’S July.
When working with mothers on the brink of burnout, I focus on the individual’s situation, her family, her own personality and her specific goals. It is very important to note that there are no one-fits-all solutions and the below tips & tricks can merely be a starting point for your journey to better wellbeing as a mom.
1. Combat your own perfectionism
At the beginning, examine your own tendencies to be perfectionist.
Do you thrive to be the perfect mother or are you happy to be the good enough mother?
On a scale from 1-10, how would you rate your own perfectionism as a mother (1-very low, 10- very high)?
What would your friends say, if I asked them whether you have high expectations of yourself as a mother?
Ask yourself: What are your key beliefs about being a mother (e.g. “A good mother cooks for her kids every day.” “A good mother breastfeeds.” “A good mother has to work f/t to be a good role model.” “A good mother spends her free time with the family.” etc.) ?
List down some of the areas in which you could let go a little bit more.
2. Build your tribe
If you feel you are lacking support and have to shoulder most of the load of motherhood by yourself, get support.
In your circle of mom friends you can arrange to host playdates on a rotating basis. Or you can initiate carpooling to school or activities. Help each other out with babysitting, etc. If you have family around, drop the kids off for sleepovers if possible. If your friends don’t have kids or are not available then you need to go out and make new friends. (A perfect way is to meet other families here on IT’S July!)
Outsource some of the work (e.g. by hiring a babysitter occasionally, hiring a professional cleaner, sending your shirts to the laundry for pressing instead of doing it yourself, order-in food sometimes!)
Are you in a partnership and feel you are carrying too much of the mental load or the care work is not divided fairly? You must address it.
As one of the biggest obstacles to dividing mental load equally, is the fact that mental load is invisible, you need to make it visible. Quantify it! Write down all the things you organize, all the to-do’s you need to keep track of every day to keep things running. Also note how much time it takes to do these things. You yourself might be surprised how many hours a week you spend on this stuff.
3. Carve out time for yourself
Make time in your day to focus on your mental & emotional wellbeing.
Whatever it is that gives you joy, relaxes you or makes you connect to the woman you used to be before you were a mother- identify it and then do more of it.
This date with yourself should be non-negotiable and you need to schedule it in your calendar to give it the importance it deserves.
For more background about mom-burnout and mom-guilt, check out Jessica's first article for IT'S July.
If you wish to get more information about mental and emotional wellbeing for mothers or you feel that you could benefit from 1-on-1 individualized coaching sessions with Jessica Tariq, feel free to contact Jessica via email info@littlenomadscoaching.com | visit www.littlenomadscoaching.com | Instagram page @littlenomadscoaching